We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
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