Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
