The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
