so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
