Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
