So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
