Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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