so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize