That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
