Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Randomize
