i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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