why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Life is so much better after having sex.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
