I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
YAS. BRING CRAB.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
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