Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
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