Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
