I just pynch a tree in the face
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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