saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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