Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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