that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
