Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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