Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize