Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
