Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Just cropdusted the office
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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