Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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