thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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