wakey wakey hands off snakey
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
She bit a glass in half.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
