a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
