I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
