Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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