everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
