I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
