Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
