Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
