She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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