Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
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