bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
