i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
