if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
