i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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