Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Randomize
