i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
