I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
