No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
