There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
