he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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