just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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