im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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