Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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