thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize