It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
