Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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