he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
