Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
