What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I'm eating all of the evidence.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
