i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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