Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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