i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
