So drunk its hurt
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
