How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Define "chronic" masturbator.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
