youre lurking in front of me
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
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