There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
