Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Randomize
