Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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