Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
