I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize