.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
My ass is underappreciated
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
