I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
