he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
