WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
