I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
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