I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
