I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
