i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
i believe in u and ur pee
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
