i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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