she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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