I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
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