i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
