mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
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