So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Nicole vs. Life
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
